Dilemma at its peak

23F here. Indian middle-class Bengali family. Fairly liberal. I am a single child. After graduating with Btech in 2024, I am still in the phase of job search and career confusion. Almost 7-8 months ago I Got connected with a Marwadi guy from my university (21M) and we started dating. I didn't think much of it back then because I had feelings for him too and I trusted in time. I am a girl who has had a fairly rough teenage and lack of freedom for certain things that happened in my life at some point. Cant even blame my parents for it because it happened because of my innocence and negligence (I was 14 years old when i got assualted by a school driver of mine and i tried to hide that initially from my parents because I was terrified. He kept on harrassing me for almost two months after which i gave up and had to tell my family about it. It snatched of all sorts of freedom I had but I was lucky to be alive). After all this and staying in hostel i have grown up to someone who think highly of my freedom and would stop at nothing as long as i feel its ethically right.

Now coming back to my current relationship. The guy i am with right now is from a very conservative rajasthani marwadi family. His extended family belongs from some really backward community in rajasthan who believe in stuffs like kids should be engaged at a really early age, its not necessary for women to complete their education, "izzat " in community is everything, marrying someone from different caste will snatch you from your ever existing reputation in your community etc. I am someone who hates such things. He himself is sort of a rebellious guy because he wants to break free from the shackles of these atrocities in his community.

Recently, like two days ago i got a call from a random number. Later I got to know it was his fkin DAD. I told him about this with a concern to check upon it and how the hell they got my number. Turns out they found a few things and letters i sent him and he used to keep them in his office bag to keep those things safe from them. But they checked his bag for no reason that day and found those things. and it was a ruckus in his family after that. He protested but his parents both were like whats so special in her, bengalis leave they dont stay, love marraiges are bullshit, this is gonna affect our entire family, his brother is also gonna affected because of it because nobody "respectable "wont want to marry him, "nazar lag chuki h tujhe", she is manipulating you and what not. He is trying to flee in daily and is about to change his job and now after knowing all this they are like leave that job and all and sit at home, you don't need to go anywhere (they stay in bangalore right now).

He keeps on crying and having constant panic attacks since the past three days because he isn't able to choose one side. It has become exhausting for me too because I personally have never dealt with this bullshit ever in my life. And now after all this even if his family at some point says out of the blue that we are okay with it, I wont be able to put my trust because it will snatch away a loving peaceful life i so eagerly want. Remember my childhood and teenage haven't been easy and I had been facing constant issues related to my freedom and that makes me adamant to stand for myself in my future life.

But all this is mentally breaking me into pieces. I am extremely angry and exhausted with his family at this point and I have lost all respect. I am just staying quite till now because I love him and he is trying to fight to his entire family for me. Although it is uncertain for me too at this point that what should I do because everything seem hanging with a thin thread. I want to shout at him and ask him to grow a spine and man up for us because he himself hasn't really been happy over there even if I am removed from the picture. He seems scared to take a step and thats putting everything on a cliff hanger for me too. I cant ask him to do something specific because my ethics stops me and tells me that its his family, I cant push him forcibly away from it.

Its such a mess.