Question

So basically, my little sister had her first reconciliation yesterday and I went with her. It was my first time being in this church as we moved here about 4 years ago and we haven’t been attending church, at all really. Last time we went it was for my grans funeral and I can’t even recount when before that. I know this is bad but we’ve had so much on. I’m a young carer for my mum and she’s been in and out of hospital for the past 5 years and it’s just been so difficult to do anything. Anyway I won’t get into that here. I’ve been struggling with what I’ve assumed has to be religious ocd because about 2 years ago now I started becoming obsessed with the unforgivable sin. When I say obsessed I don’t mean I found it super interesting and loved researching about it ect I mean I was constantly terrified I was guilty of it. Still feel like that sometimes tbh and I think I always will. Anyway it was really REALLY intense as in anytime I was alone for any amount of time I felt like I had done it ( obviously I hadn’t, later worked out this was false memory OCD). It literally took over my life and I don’t really remember anything from this time other than that, and keep in mind it was over several months. I also had a number of other obsessions after this so that kinda confirmed it was much more ocd than a sign I was destined for hell ( which is what my illness had convinced me it was ) Back to my sisters reconciliation. The priest said that he was offering confession for the adults in chapel that night too and I decided I would take the opportunity. My mum had always taught me a priest was someone u could trust with anything so I was hoping to go in and feel some relief but I had totally the opposite. The priest asked me how long it had been since I had confession and I told him the truth. Which was since I made my first. He muttered under his breath and shook his head and I felt so awful and guilty he overall just made me feel as if I was wasting his time and I generally never said anything I wanted to out of fear of judgment from this priest I had just met. I’m not trying to diss the priest or anything but It was just not a pleasant or forgiving experience. Anyway my question is ( congratulations if u read this long lol ) does repenting at home count as much as repenting in confession ? I repent nearly every night when I pray before bed but is this not enough ? Can I only be a good catholic if I attend confession? Thank you if you’ve read this far 🙏