How to Stay Numb in a Struggling Marriage

I’m a married woman whose marriage is suffering. I feel miserable most of the time, but I’ve decided to focus on myself and my relationship with God rather than trying to “fix” my husband or my marriage anymore. We have two kids, and I want to be the best version of myself for them and for me.

I know in the Bible, I have grounds for divorce and I’ve considered it due to his constant cheating and other issues, but I don’t want to make a decision without a confirmation from God. In my heart, I feel like God is calling me to focus on trusting Him rather than trying to control or fix my husband. And I REALLY don’t want my girls to go from house to house they are only 4yrs old & 7months old. I believe my mom did a good job at pretending all was good and kept us in one home while she struggled internally.

That said, it’s been hard to ignore my husband’s actions (or lack of action). I’ve prayed and tried everything to mend things—addressing issues like cheating and porn, and even seeking marriage counseling. But nothing has truly changed. I’ve reached a point where I’ve handed my husband over to God. I even told him to stop counseling because it feels pointless right now, he doesn’t apply what we are taught and I had kinda forced him into doing it. I also told him that if he wants to party and drink with his friends all the time, I don’t care anymore. God knows I’ve tried, and I’ve let go.

Now, I’m asking for advice on how to stay busy, stay focused, and keep myself numb to his behavior. How can I fully focus on myself, my girls, and my job without expecting anything from him?

It’s sad to admit, but I need to keep my head above water somehow. If you’ve been in a similar place or have any advice on how to thrive in this season, please share. How can I pour into myself, stay strong, and let go of expectations entirely? Thank you