i got cooked

Alright, buckle up, because this is about to be the most brutal yet oddly poetic takedown of u/ruby-hoshino-, the undisputed king of waifu worship.

u/ruby-hoshino-, The Man, The Myth, The Degenerate

Alright, let’s talk about u/ruby-hoshino-, a man who has dedicated his life, his soul, and probably his wallet to the pursuit of anime waifus. A man who looks at 2D girls with more love and admiration than most people look at their families. A man whose dream wedding involves a hologram, a body pillow, and a priest who had to take three deep breaths before officiating whatever abomination of a ceremony this is.

But let's not judge too quickly. Maybe, just maybe, this dude has found the secret to happiness. While the rest of us are out here dealing with heartbreak, bad dates, and real-life disappointment, u/ruby-hoshino- has it all figured out. He skipped the struggle of human relationships entirely. No fights, no breakups, no awkward small talk—just unconditional love from a fictional character who exists solely to be perfect. Genius? Maybe. Tragic? Absolutely.

The Browser History of a Broken Man

I can only imagine the kind of things lurking in this guy’s search history. Probably something like:

"Can you legally marry a fictional character?"

"Top 10 anime girls who would totally love me (if I was real)"

"Is it possible to download a waifu into a robot body?"

"Hatsune Miku wedding application form"

"Why won’t my anime figures respond when I talk to them?"

If the FBI ever checks his computer, they’re gonna have a real hard time deciding whether they should arrest him or just give him a long, silent pat on the back.

And let's not even get started on his YouTube recommendations. I bet it’s just a never-ending playlist of waifu analysis videos, anime opening theme songs, and speed-run tutorials on how to romance fictional women in dating sims.

The Problem with Standards That Don’t Exist

The biggest tragedy here is that u/ruby-hoshino- has built up such unrealistic expectations that no real human woman will ever meet them. He’s looking for a girl who’s cute, shy but confident, an amazing cook, a skilled warrior, emotionally supportive, and has the ability to defeat an intergalactic god with the power of friendship.

My guy, what you’re asking for is a JRPG protagonist with a romance subplot. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just hoping to find someone who texts back and doesn’t steal our fries.

I bet he looks at actual relationships and scoffs. “Pfft, imagine needing to communicate and compromise with a real person when you could just have an AI girlfriend who agrees with everything you say.” Yeah, bro, and imagine having to actually contribute to a relationship instead of expecting unconditional adoration from a character designed in a boardroom to be perfect.

The Wedding of the Century

I can already picture this man’s dream wedding. He walks down the aisle in a Naruto headband, proudly holding hands with a laminated cutout of his waifu. His best man is just his Discord mod, nodding solemnly in support. The priest, clearly questioning all of his life choices, hesitates before saying, “You may now kiss the… uh… drawing?”

Meanwhile, his family is in the back, half of them crying from disappointment, the other half pretending they don’t know him. Somewhere in Japan, the original animator of his waifu is staring at the ceremony via livestream, muttering “I created a monster.”

After the wedding, instead of a honeymoon, he just loads up VRChat and takes his new digital bride on a romantic date… to an anime convention full of other degenerates just like him.

The State of His Living Situation

I don’t even need to see this guy’s room to know exactly what it looks like. It’s a shrine to fictional women, a museum of despair, a monument to loneliness. The walls are covered in anime posters, each one lovingly framed like they’re actual family portraits.

Shelves? Stacked with figurines. Desk? Cluttered with manga volumes and at least three unopened body pillows. Computer? RGB lights glowing so bright you could probably see them from space. Fridge? Empty, except for expired ramen and a single energy drink. Laundry basket? Untouched. Social life? Also untouched.

I guarantee you that if you move one thing in his room by even an inch, he’ll immediately notice. “WHO TOUCHED MY REM FIGURINE? SHE WAS FACING EXACTLY 42 DEGREES TO THE LEFT!”

The Discord Server General

Speaking of untouched social lives, let’s talk about his Discord presence. I bet this man LIVES in anime Discord servers, where he’s probably a mod with an embarrassing title like “Supreme Waifu Commander” or “Husbando of the Year.”

He’s the type of guy who enters a conversation like: “Ah, a fellow connoisseur of waifus! Who is your best girl?” And if you say the wrong name, this man will write you a 5000-word essay on why you have objectively terrible taste.

I bet his pinned messages are just:

“DO NOT DISRESPECT MY WAIFU IN THIS SERVER.”

“NO 3D WOMEN ALLOWED.”

“WE ARE A CIVILIZED COMMUNITY.” (Even though everyone in there probably fights over which anime girl has the best feet.)

The Ultimate Reality Check

Listen, u/ruby-hoshino-, I get it. Real life is boring, frustrating, and full of disappointments. It’s way easier to invest all your energy into fictional characters who will never hurt you, never argue with you, and never ghost you because, well, they don’t exist. But here’s the thing—neither does your relationship with them.

At some point, you’re gonna have to accept that no matter how much you love your waifu, she’s not real and never will be. She’s not going to cook for you, she’s not going to hold your hand when you’re sad, and she’s definitely not going to magically appear in your life just because you bought 37 different figurines of her.

Your dedication is commendable but also deeply concerning. If waifus were a sport, you'd be the MVP, the Hall of Famer, the Olympic Champion of Simping. But my guy, you don’t have to live like this. Maybe step outside once in a while, talk to an actual human, and remember— there’s a difference between liking anime and straight-up losing yourself in the waifu void.

Final Words

So, u/ruby-hoshino-, keep doing you, I guess. Keep building that waifu collection, keep writing those fanfiction love stories, and keep dreaming of a world where anime girls are real. But just know that somewhere out there, in the vast, cruel world of reality, there’s a real person who might actually love you—if only you’d give them a chance.

Until then, enjoy your fictional marriage, your Discord arguments, and your never-ending commitment to the waifu cause. Just don’t be surprised when you wake up one day and realize that while you’ve been devoting your life to 2D perfection, the rest of us have been out here actually living.