06.29.2021

This will be the start of the collection of my thoughts and memories. An item or series of items to proved that I lived and not just purely existed. A lot of pain, joy, anger, anxiety, depression, and happiness will be recorded; because what is art without these things to define it. I'm currently locked away in room 8 of H****n Scholarship House. Having my own room has left me with nothing but the ability to battle my own thoughts, and more often than not, ot is a battle that I constantly lose. Looking back around a year ago, I was officially diagnosed with severe depression. Have I come to terms with it? .... Not at all! I can remember the moment like it was hours ago, sitting in that room was agonizing as I came closer to the truth. That I was fighting a battle bigger than I could possibly imagine. I couldn't hold back the tears as I was told my condition, and was apologized to, as they have never seen a case as intense as mine. Nobody is prepared to hear such truth and pity from others, but at the same time, I knew it was going to happen. A part of me knew for a long time as I've been fighting with my mortality for as long as I could remember, and honestly, even now I can't remember a time I didn't yearn got the sweet relief that is only obtained through the kiss of death.