Getting Piped out of Amazon knocked the wind out of me.

I have been working as a developer for 7.5 years. All of it at big tech.

I joined Amazon last year in June.

In these 8 to 9 months, Amazon really really crushed my confidence. I just had to take the Pivot offer. It was too much. One of the senior software engineers in the team verbally abused me too. I reported it to the HR, but since there was no proof, he got away with it.

I just feel like a loser. I feel stupid. I don't feel like programming any more. I used to enjoy programming so much. I have been trying to create a blog using NextJS. But in the last 2 weeks, I could not even write 50 lines of code. I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like getting up from my bed. I feel numb.

I want to give up on my life. I just wish some one would kill me. I don't want to do it myself. I will face consequences for it in after life.

I just wish some drug addict in his drug induced rage would kill me. There is so much gun violence in America. I just wish I was lucky enough to enter a grocery store or something that is getting robbed. I just wish I could die in a way, that I am not responsible for my death. I am fed up with my life.

So many people die on the streets of America. I just wish it would happen to me right now.

Edit: Thanks folks for all the support. I have read through as many comments as I could. The day when I wrote this, I was too upset. But after reading all of your comments, I feel much better now.