Taking a break from EMS

Today, I clocked out from my last full-time 911 EMS shift. While I’ll still work part-time at 911 jobs, I needed a break. I’ve been working full-time for six years, through the pandemic, and the last two months have been hell. It’s not the calls or the call volume—it just became too much to deal with. I need to remember why I became a paramedic, why I chose this field. It was supposed to be about the patients and making a positive difference in someone’s life. Recently, it hasn’t felt that way.

I’ve found myself chasing the adrenaline rush that 911 gives you—that thrill, like the moment before a roller coaster drops. But instead of fulfillment, I’ve been feeling indifferent, even annoyed, by the more routine aspects of the job. I’ve been aggravated with things like people not taking care of themselves, falling in the same places, or skipping their meds and wondering why they don’t feel good.

I’ve become angry and irritable, and I know that’s not who I am. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I was angry at my boss for making us work 96-hour weeks and for running us into the ground with so many calls per shift. I was angry that he’d offer incentive money and then not deliver on it.

Now, I’m just sad. I’ve worked at that place for nearly 3 ½ years. They made me a paramedic, gave me a sense of community, and supported me through tough times. They also gave me confidence and then promptly tore me down when I got too high and mighty.

So, here’s to SSRIs, therapy, and taking a moment for yourself, because you can’t take care of other people if you’re not taking care of yourself. I want to get back to the patients. I want to get back to making a real difference, a good difference, in people’s lives.