I’m really happy I didn’t convert to Islam

Hi, don’t really know if this classifies as ex Muslim, but I figured I’d get this off my chest.

Context: I was raised in a half-Muslim half-Christian family (I myself was Christian ATT) My mother married a Palestinian man and had my half-siblings (Three men and a women). While their stepfather was never in my life thankfully, my siblings were constantly in my life. They were raised alongside me and I got relatively along with them.

That “phase”: So, for the longest time I knew I was transgender, however I just didn’t want to accept it so I suppressed my feelings through religion. I was already feeling lost in Christianity, churches around my area didn’t really care about Jesus and god only the money. I had studied the Middle East and became fascinated with the culture and religions there. Considering I already had family who were tied there, I figured I could look into Islam to try to escape my dysphoria. So I decided to come out as a convert, I came out to my sister and she congratulated me. I thought I had found peace and solidarity with myself, until I found out more about Islam.

Revelation: I had learned about this subreddit through a suggestion in my feed. Once I dug deep into how awful Islam is as a religion, I was disgusted. I just couldn’t justify the actions and atrocities committed by the Islamic community. I just couldn’t bear it anymore, I threw up in the shower realizing the truth I discovered. I never officially converted and initiated the first couple of rituals, and I’m incredibly thankful I never did.

Aftermath: I’m currently agnostic in Abrahamic belief. When I came out as trans, my sister immediately cut contact with me, I couldn’t even say goodbye to my Nephew. I felt happy that I could be myself, but at the same time, I felt like I lost a lot of people. My father’s side completely supports me, and my mum supports me too. I’m still very early into things, but I know that I will never be accepted into really any Abrahamic community. I feel as if I’m separated from god, and that I betrayed him. I sometimes cry knowing that I’ll never be accepted.