raised conservatively, how do you overcome the internalized shame?
Like many nonbinary people, i was raised by a conservative father with “boys don’t play with barbies, nail polish is for girls, being effeminate as a man is silly/weird, as a man you should bottle up your emotions and be as stoic as possible.” It should also be noted my father considers himself liberal and has internalized homophobia despite being a bisexual, just to give him some credit.
I’ve never really been in touch with my identity, never really truly exploring it despite known for 100% that I was genderfluid since I was 13. I constantly felt like I’d be made fun of or seen as a weirdo/deviant. Now, at 22 years old, I’m trying to get back in touch, and been expressing my femininity more subtly (makeup and lipstick during Halloween). Today I bought a relatively simple dress and wore it for my gf (after an hour of hiding) and she said I looked nice (It helps she’s also nonbinary).
I want to express myself more. I know I’d be received well, even my dad has mellowed out in recent years. The issue is my own personal embarrassment, despite feeling empowered and well, pretty.
How do I get past this? is it too late for me?