A lot has been happening. Hard work just doesn't get me anywhere

I'm having a tough time at the moment: I applied to a few jobs I was really excited for but heard nothing back from in weeks...

I'm ok with my job now, but it pays crap and has no future...

I feel so unmotivated. I wanted to try and work on a children's book, but nobody gets excited for the art I made, so now I feel even worse...

The world is looking bleaker and bleaker, and I try hard to get through each day but it gets harder and harder...

Plus, I got a really bad ear infection after I tried a weekend of getting out of the house, and now I got this.

I'm calling out sick from work to go to the doctor's but feel guilty as well...

My anxieties are through the roof, I keep having nightmares being back in high school where I was abused physically at home and psychologically at school, nobody to turn to.

I usually see a psychologist but it has gotten so expensive so I have to be careful not to do so too much.

I think I just want to stop feeling guilty about things and actually achieve something with hard work, not things to get worse when I work my arse off.