Alcohol stopped working

Just makes me sad and want to isolate. Or really annoying. But the things I thought it helped with, it no longer helps with. I just get in my head. Maybe it never helped, I don't know. But I feel like I lost something important.

Maybe this is a good thing, self medication is obviously bad. I just feel so lost. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over this. Medications have done nothing. Exposure does fuck all; I get over myself once, and I get anxious the next time around. Being human feels like constantly fighting against the current. Why is it so hard to be alive?