My uncle Jimmy fell off the 700 level at the old Veterans Stadium trying to reach a foul ball. He was legally dead for four minutes. You know he got that ball, though.
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The Solara is not amphibious, my sweet Semitic treasure!
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I Will never understand... the weight distribution.
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The pain is a hundred tiffany's boyfriends.
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You harpooned me. I told you to go out and get help, and you harpooned me.
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Sad Boys is filmed on location with real sad boys.
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I want more than your best, Steve. For once, I want you to do fine.
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Soon my pet, soon I will feed you the world...
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Look at me, I’ve got my sons ass against my window, my aliens dick in my gas tank and nothing but the open road in front of me!
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I've got a freezer full of shu mai from Trader Joe's. And for dessert, a huge-ass box of Chocodiles. I hid them in the fridge for when the cholos come back, and they will be back. I gave the biggest one a key.
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Whoo! She got the drop on old Reggie, caught those full in the face. If those were guns, Reggie'd be dead.
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Oh son, every day with you is like a punch in the nads.
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I'm sorry, I'm kind of running out of fish schtick. Oh! And just like that I'm back!
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We saw a man steal a bird's egg!
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Things are getting too spicy for the pepper!
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His parents made us sleep in separate rooms but... you know.
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I'm taking on a lot of risk here. Do you mind asking them to jump up and down?
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I'm all set on the beer but, random question, Do you sell watch batteries?
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There is only ONE thing you need to know about Karate:
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I'm a SCATMAN!!!
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My dream... is to destroy George Clooney. That arrogant, overrated, memo-writing bastard! He's not even an actor! He just does the same cheesy move every time. Looks down, then looks back up squinting underneath his eyebrows. And everybody's buying it!
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Bullock banished me to the "lame dad" room. Do you know where that is? It's the old haunted bathroom that nobody uses anymore, because GHOSTS ARE COMING OUT OF THE GODDAMN TOILET AND GOING UP BUTTS!
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Then Chaz showed me how I could feel that way every day, taking what I want when I want. Plus, I'm a sociopath, so, you know, all this fits me like a slipper.
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Good morning! Rockin Ronnie comin at ya 2 days after Father’s Day! That’s 363 days, or 8,712 hours, or 522,720 minutes until the next Father’s Day and 22 seconds until I take my pills that aren’t helping my crippling OCD. OCD, OCD, OCD.
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Oh Pamela. I was just looking for you. You have the same scowl your mother had... When I banged her... After I pulled the plug.
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